MERRY CHRISTMAS

As the move to Big D approaches Justin and I have been through, what we consider, a bit of financial woe. Things such as credit scores, insufficent W-2s and busted plumbing. It's been overwhelming and down right discouraging but.....

Not once have we been without our warm sheets or feather comforter. Not once have we been hungry or thirsty. We have never been separated from our child. We have no idea what hopelessness is.

No, instead we have considered MAKING our Christmas gifts. We have decided against the limo at the Calvert's Christmas Cocktail Party. We (I) have given up my weekly Gap trip and let BB suffer in the same old clothes. I bought my Tony Lama's from E-bay instead of Cavender's.

We have a dear dear friend who "talks" to God when he prays. So this Christmas I would like to say, "God aka Gub, it's Grace. I really appreciate everything you do for me. Thanks for BB and Justin. Thanks for your good will towards men and thanks for the Tony Lamas."

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS

Dear 2702 S. Taylor aka Casa de Calvert,

Goodbye my good friend. You were the beginning of a long journey and I will never forget you. I will always remember the good times. Thank you for such a wonderful start in life. Thank you for keeping the plumbing adequate for our stay. Thank you for hosting parties, puppies, and friends. I can only imagine how many times I have come through your doors and as the final exit approaches I realize how truly special a home is. Thank you for holding our hearts.

Love,

The Calvert Family

United Market Street

Dear United Market Street,
I love you. I would move back from Dumas just to be with you again. There is a hole in my heart where you and your glorious groceries once were. When I walk through your doors I feel like I've come home from a long trip with a hard bed. What do I love about you UMS? I love Sampling Sunday. I love your clean floors and tidy rows. I love your Summer House Iced Tea. I love Ray, the butcher, who finds all of my beef shank and fresh clam requests to be rather amusing. I love when you have a new fruit I have never tasted before. I find it very impressive that you, a grocery store, carry Mulderbosch and more importantly, my other fine friend, Kim Crawford. I would like to praise you United Market Street for hiring such fine employees as Les and Jacob who insistently card me every time I purchase alcohol just to make me feel 20 again. I love to hear the stories from the sackers especially when they are about fast cars and wild nights after a long day of high school. UMS, if you will move to Dumas I will visit you every day. I will spend hours gawking at your wine and cheese selection. UMS, if you move to Dumas, I will seek you out for part time employment. I love you United Market Street.

COMING TO A FRONT PORCH NEAR YOU

Sort of like a jack o'lantern but more of a rhymes with trick o'lantern:

FATHERS BE GOOD TO YOUR DAUGHTERS AND DAUGHTERS WILL LOVE LIKE YOU DO

Yesterday, after receiving a rather large bill from Baptist St. Anthony's Hospital, I picked up some cash I had stashed with my dad and headed to the bank. I'll admit I had a lot on my mind, the majority being finances. I opened the envelope and found this written on the outside, "Looks like some of those hundreds had little ones just like you. Love you, Dad." and inside he had placed several "little ones" amongst the money we had been saving. My entire life has consisted of thoughtful gestures such as these. Sweet little acts that always bring tears to my eyes. My dad has taught me about compassion and kindess. He is truly the most giving and loving person I know. We, over the years, have built a relationship that I cherish and consider the foundation of my being. I believe the bond between a girl and her father is one of life's most important treasures. So as I listen to my own husband call our daughter honey and hum Johnny Cash in her hear, I would like to thank my father. I would like to thank him for whispering songs in my ear so that I may know the meaning of unconditional love and for teaching me to love myself.

BETTY BEATRICE CALVERT

Maybe in a few days or weeks or months I'll be able to put becoming a mother into words. Maybe I"ll be able to capture the feeling somehow. Maybe I'll be able to portray the first time I saw her in her daddy's arms. Maybe I can tell what a miracle it all was. But I don't think so, I just don't know if there are enough words. Love. Love is a good start.

CUSTOM JUSTIN

For the record, Justin is by no means disgustin' but I couldn't believe when I stumbled upon this:

PROMISES, PROMISES

I do solemnly swear that I will not:

1. Wear the same outfit as my child.

2. Place a Baby-on-Board or Stick Figure Family bumper sticker on the wagon I swore I'd never drive.

3. Put my child on one of those crazy leashes.

4. Own a Dodge Caravan.

5. Carry a purse (or any bag for that matter) with my child's picture on it.

SIERRA MIST BUBBLES CALVERT

Little did I know our dear friend, Billy Sansing, would have the perfect name for our first born child:


Hope your feeling well, little Calvert! Just a suggestion on her name: Elvira, Candy, Bubbles, Shasta, Honey, Cinnaman, Pinto, Lexus, Mercedez, Destiny, Raven, Angel, China, Porscha, Anastasia, Bambi, Star, Chastity, Sparkle, Princess, Sierra Mist, Dusty, Mountain Dew Drop, Skye, Lexxxy (yes, with 3 x's), Blaze, and Ophelia. Just a few off of my recommendations! Hawler if you need more! Just a thought! Oh, and Honda might work!

TEAM MAKE ROOM-5 WINS, 0 LOSSES

They may not be the quickest. They may not jump the highest. They may not be the next Michael Jordan or Kobe Bryant, but by God they can throw some elbows. Congratulations to the 2007 Hoop It Up Champions!

EMBRACE THE GRACE

There are days when I can, without effort, picture God sitting at his easel, blank canvas before Him, painting the strokes of my life. Days when all the stop lights turn green and life has a beautiful rosey hue. Days when my heart is so full it could burst out of my chest. Today this blog is dedicated to "embracing the grace" and remembering how much we have to be thankful for each and every second. May it be little babies wrapped up like burritos or waking up next to someone you love, LIFE IS GOOD. GOD IS GOOD AND WE ARE ALL SO VERY BLESSED.

Here's to the final month of my first pregnancy and what will soon be a brand new life in this world.

ALL APOLOGIES

To Whom It May Concern:

I would like to sincerely apologize for any pain I have caused you. I know it wasn't fun being around me after an entire bottle of Kim Crawford. I know that you wanted to throw darts at my eyeballs after each and every "snort" of whiskey. I mean, who thinks it's cool to wake up every Sunday morning with Filthy Feet from the Golden Light Cantina? I am truly sorry for constantly laughing at my own silly drunken tricks; such as drawing mustaches on my face, getting a tattoo on my ass, hanging from the rafters in an attempt to dance on a wobbly table, or driving through a stranger's yard....I think you get the point. Only now, in my nine months of sobriety, can I see how truly annoying I must have been to you. I kindly beg for your forgiveness and vow to never be a drunken idiot again, at least until September.

Truly yours,
Grace M. Calvert

PAPER OR PLASTIC?

They are taking over our planet. I swear to you; they are taking over our planet. PLASTIC BAGS ARE TAKING OVER OUR PLANET. The "paper or plastic" conundrum that vexed earnest shoppers throughout the 1980s and 90s is largely obsolete today. Most baggers don't even bother to ask anymore and some establishments have removed the choice all together. In trying to make a conscious effort to avoid abusing this "free" little carry all, I have come very close to just placing one over my head . THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. They sit balled up and stuffed into the one that hangs from the pantry door. They line bathroom trash bins. They carry clothes to the gym. They clutter landfills. They flap from trees. They float in the breeze. They clog roadside drains. They drift on the high seas.



Big deal, you say. So what, you say. It's just a plastic bag. Ha!

• Consumers use between 500 billion and 1 trillion plastic bags per year worldwide.
  


• Californians throw away 294,000,000 pounds of plastic bags every year, or 147,000 tons - enough waste to circle the planet over 250 times.


• Some estimate a plastic bag may take one thousand years to decompose. That means a bag thrown away during the crusades, the birth of Constantine, or at the signing of the Magna Carta would just be finishing its decomposition now.


• At least 267 species have been scientifically documented to be adversely affected by plastic marine debris and it is estimated to kill over 100,000 marine mammals and turtles each year. Plastic bags are considered especially dangerous to sea turtles, who mistake them for jellyfish, a main food source. Currently, 86% of all known species of sea turtles have had reported problems of entanglement or ingestion of marine debris.


• Additionally, all plastic products that enter our marine environment eventually break down into small fragments, which in some areas of the ocean outweigh plankton by a factor of six and are inextricably altering the marine ecosystem.


• Furthermore, plastic bags are made from patroleum, an unrenewable and environmentally degrading resource. Indeed, an estimated 4,000 barrels of oil a day are used for the manufacture of a largely unnecessary product.

The answer to the end of the plastic or paper epidemic is not paper (that's another can of worms). The answer is neither. Shop with your very own reusable bag. Cover it in rhinestones. Use your favorite lilac fabric. Take your fake LV suitcase for all I care. JUST DO SOMETHING TO HELP OUR POOR PLANET PEOPLE.

JC

Ladies and Gentlemen, please meet my husband, Justin The One and Only Calvert:

The Daredevil

The Fisherman

The Biker Dude

The Joker

??????

YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT

So I couldn't spell giuds, I sure had somethin' figured out.

ROAD CLOSED-DETOUR AHEAD

I know. I know. I've been gripey. I've been sensitive. I've given undeserving people quite a tongue lashing for making semi-harmless comments about pregnant women. I know.

So, today, today I am sorry for one reason and one reason only. THE NICE LADY AT THE AIRPORT. The Nicest Lady at Rick Husband International Airport said to me, "Ya'll are so cute under construction." And although I was standing next to my beautiful gorgeous cousin, I knew she wasn't talking about that ya'll. She was talking about me and my wee baby. "Ya'll are so cute under construction." In other words, ya'll are women at work, ya'll are cute as pie with a miracle on top, ya'll are life!!!!!! YA'LL ARE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

I would take an eternity of fat jokes for just one day of being the keeper of life.

1993

Go! Go! Gus Birdwell Elementary! Where in the world is Grace's little brother?

IF ONLY I WAS MARY

My dad, Jerry, has a cousin, Terry, who has a brother. His name is Larry.

My dad, Jerry, has a cousin, Terry, who has a donkey. His name is Larry.

Whoa and whoa.

NEW PAIR OF SHOES

There are all sorts of feet in this world:

Monkey Feet:





Dirty Feet:





Doggie Feet:




Dancing Feet:






Pigs Feet :





And feet that have yet to make a foot print or stub their toes:

WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND

This was sent to my mother, CEO of the High Plains Observer:

My wife and I attended the funeral for my great uncle recently. It was a very somber occasion as my great uncle was well liked and had a large family. The church was filled to capacity despite the freezing temperature, fog and drizzle. The procession from the church to the cemetery was very long and I found myself driving the last vehicle in line. This position gave a unique view of the whole process by which the dearly departed are brought to their final resting place. Two police cars from the Amarillo Police Department escorted us; they blocked intersections and stop signs so we could proceed without interruption. They ran with their lights on and most people pulled over to show their respect for our loss. We were moving at a somewhat slower speed than normal traffic; and from my position at the end of the line, I noticed a new SUV speeding up and starting to pass so of the cars in the procession. The gentleman passed by me, talking on his cell phone and looked frustrated by our slow pace; and then cut through the procession ahead of me to get to his exit. He did this unforgivably rude thing to save thirty seconds on his busy schedule. My wife and I were dumbstruck by this behavior. We where raised to show respect for the life lost and the grief a family endures at these times. He was late for a meeting, an appointment or possibly a plane; my great uncle was on his way to his final resting place. Just as we decided that people were becoming rude and insensitive, we passed a beat up old pickup. Standing outside, in the freezing drizzle, was a young man. He wore no coat and had his hat over his heart. He had been standing for the entire time it took us to pass him. I would like to thank that nameless young man for helping to restore my faith. I so not know who you are; but, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

KUDOS SHANTE

I don't see any reason why you wouldn't want to be the D-O-Double G's punk bioooooootch.

Snoop Dogg says he is desperate to rekindle his romance with estranged wife Shante. The rapper, real name Calvin Broadus, has been married for to his beautiful wife for seven years but filed for divorce last summer, citing irreconcilable differences. However, the hip-hop star claims he made a mistake and wants to get back together for the sake of his two sons, Corde and Spanky. He said: "I know I said I wanted a divorce, but that ain't what I really wanted. That's the devil working. My thing was I was so demanding and not willing to listen. That's why it was all so bad, because of the simple fact that I'm Snoop Dogg and I'm in a powerful position and sometimes that s**t gets to my head. "I just got to come back to being, you know Calvin, and realising what matters most to me, my wife and my kids. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Put that back together again."

NO YOU DIDN'T

Things you should not say to a pregnant woman:

1. "Are you eating again?"

2. "You're gonna be big. Aren't ya?"

3. "You're really blossoming."

4. "Your face is filling out."

5. "Are you sure there's just one in there?"

Responses you should be prepared to hear if you say these things to a pregnant woman:

1. "Yes, yes I am. I'm sorry you are obviously jealous that I am eating again."

2. "You're already big. Aren't ya?"

3. "I am not a peony or a daffodil or a lilac or anything delicate for that matter. I am pregnant.
I would love nothing more than to kickbox you in the face hole right now."

4. "Hmmmmm. Is it? Maybe my face is trying to match my boob pound for pound. Or maybe
IT'S THE SMALL INFANT GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!"

5. "The non-maternity jeans I have on are a size 6 my inquisitive little friend. Yes, that's what I
said, A SIX."

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

This past Saturday I attended what seemed like the gazillionth Homer's Backyard Ball which is nothing more than a drunk fest in a very large pasture. I've been going for years and years, long before there was parking or wrist bands or even a pasture. Last year in fact I drank several Coronas in our White Trash Backyard Pool before even making it to The Ball. And last year I specifically remember making this distasteful comment behind a rather pregnant woman's back, "I would neeeeever walk around here pregnant. I mean, my god, that woman has to be miserable. Surely there are other things besides Homer's!" Which brings me to my next point, I was a snob. I pitied pregnant women and their elastic pants. I could never imagine entering into the slavery of motherhood when life still had so much to offer: traveling, drinking, riding our Harley on Sunday afternoons. I would never be ONE OF THEM!!!!

Last night, after wrapping up my first Mother's Day, I laid very still. I put Justin's hand and my hand across my swollen belly and we laid very still. And as she moved, I thought about how her hands would be like ours. Maybe long fingers like mine and perfect nails like her dad's. It was at that moment, and perhaps long before, I realized I would never want to be anything else but ONE OF THEM!

GALVESTON OH GALVESTON

I don't know what special force God uses when he blows the Gulf breeze into your lungs but it seems to me that it transforms a person's heart. I agree it's not the white sand of Playa del Carmen or the whistle shots of Cancun . No, Galveston is in a different realm completely. There is an eerie, yet familiar mystique, that engulfs this small town and I always feel as if I'm at home, as if my heart belongs there. It could be the quaint tree-lined streets or the subtle scent of saltwater that mesmerizes me but I believe it's more than that.......much more. I believe that some places just have a soul. A history that runs so deeply through its veins it can't help but have a character all its own . I believe that these soul filled places sigh and weep just as we do and when you leave them something tugs at your heart.

My visit to Galveston this past weekend, like so many others, spurred a rather loud voice in my head to scream STAY!!! YOU BELONG HERE! YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE TOTALLY FINE WITH YOU BUYING A HOUSE HERE!!! HE WOULD LOVE PULLING TOURISTS AROUND IN THOSE LITTLE BUGGIES FOR A LIVING!!! STAAAAY GRACE! STAY!

So it is after returning to the windy city, Amarillo not Chicago, that I appreciate this small piece of Galveston more than ever. In every post, there is a ray of the Galveston sunshine beaming through. Today I invite you to let your heart be tugged by www.iheartgalveston.blogspot.com.

TRUE FORTUNES PROMISE IS A REDHAIRED MADDONESS

As I ponder this miracle that grows inside of me each and every day, I am led to ask myself, "What color of hair will she have?" I am blonde. My mother and father are brunette. Many of her uncles and cousins have red hair and her daddy is a redhead. Oh, is her daddy ever a redhead! In my pondering and apparent overload of spare time, I have found out some very useful information about the infamous redhead and all that that implies.

• Queen Elizabeth I, only washed her hair about three times a year. She did so in lye, which was a mixture of wood, ash and water. Her hair fell out and she wore a red wig. Red hair was thought to be unlucky until Elizabeth I made it popular.
• The highest percentage of natural redheads in the world is in Scotland (13%), followed closely by Ireland with 10%. In the US, about 2% of the population are natural redheads.
• Redheads were turned out of Cornish dairies, because it was believed they would turn the butter sour.
• Redheads have the thickest hair, but have the smallest number of strands.
• The ancient Egyptians paid homage to their god Osiris by burying redheaded men alive.
• Less than 1% of the human race has red hair.
• As well as in humans, red hair can be found in other mammalian species such as orangutans, squirrels, and highland cattle. Red hair or fur can be found in some breeds of dog and cat, and certain species of fox and deer.
• Pagan witches thought the fat of a redhead was a vital ingredient for a host of unsavory spells. Redheads were thought to have an aura of magnetism and mystic power in a free-floating.

Only time will tell if we are to become a U.S. rarity by being blessed with two carrot tops in one family unit. But regardless of the color of her hair there is a daunting FACT that lurks on the horizon. She will be a redhead at heart!

Charles Squirrel and Matilda Robin

You may not find this book on the shelves of Barnes & Noble but it's a good read or I'm a squirrel's uncle.

FAUX REAL

This week on Lost:

Juliette, the researcher kidnapped by the Others and brought to The Island via submarine, perfoms an ultrasound discovering that Sun is indeed pregnant with Jin's baby although he was previously diagnosed as infertile. "The normal male's sperm count is 60 to 80 million but it can multiply up to five times that on The Island," states Juliette.

Good one.

Five Easy Things You Can Do

At my favorite age of eight I became president and founder of the Spearman Chapter of Save the Earth Club. We wee folk attended city council meetings and insisted that Spearman, Texas, population 2,000, WISEN UP!!!! START RECYCLING!!!!! SAVE OUR EARTH!!!! Numerous local businesses were tagged with signs that read "ONLY ELEPHANTS SHOULD WEAR IVORY!!!!!" Needless to say I have always been an advocate of protecting our globe and its precious resources. So when I see this sign posted in my office today:

FIVE EASY THINGS YOU CAN DO

1. WALK, BIKE, OR TAKE MASS TRANSIT MORE OFTEN

2. RECYCLE MORE

3. ADJUST YOUR THERMOSTAT DOWN 2 DEGREES IN THE WINTER & UP 2 DEGREES IN THE SUMMER

4. USE LESS HOT WATER FOR WASHING CLOTHES & IN THE SHOWER

5. CONVERT TO COMPACT FLUORESCENT LIGHT BULBS-

I say, "Save the Earth Club is alive and kickin!!!"