NO YOU DIDN'T

Things you should not say to a pregnant woman:

1. "Are you eating again?"

2. "You're gonna be big. Aren't ya?"

3. "You're really blossoming."

4. "Your face is filling out."

5. "Are you sure there's just one in there?"

Responses you should be prepared to hear if you say these things to a pregnant woman:

1. "Yes, yes I am. I'm sorry you are obviously jealous that I am eating again."

2. "You're already big. Aren't ya?"

3. "I am not a peony or a daffodil or a lilac or anything delicate for that matter. I am pregnant.
I would love nothing more than to kickbox you in the face hole right now."

4. "Hmmmmm. Is it? Maybe my face is trying to match my boob pound for pound. Or maybe
IT'S THE SMALL INFANT GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!"

5. "The non-maternity jeans I have on are a size 6 my inquisitive little friend. Yes, that's what I
said, A SIX."