To Whom It May Concern:
I would like to sincerely apologize for any pain I have caused you. I know it wasn't fun being around me after an entire bottle of Kim Crawford. I know that you wanted to throw darts at my eyeballs after each and every "snort" of whiskey. I mean, who thinks it's cool to wake up every Sunday morning with Filthy Feet from the Golden Light Cantina? I am truly sorry for constantly laughing at my own silly drunken tricks; such as drawing mustaches on my face, getting a tattoo on my ass, hanging from the rafters in an attempt to dance on a wobbly table, or driving through a stranger's yard....I think you get the point. Only now, in my nine months of sobriety, can I see how truly annoying I must have been to you. I kindly beg for your forgiveness and vow to never be a drunken idiot again, at least until September.
Truly yours,
Grace M. Calvert
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