IT IS NEVER BROKEN

I typically don't remember my dreams and if I do, they are incredibly vague and seem unimportant but last night I had the most intense dream. I don't usually find other people's dreams interesting or funny or scary so I will spare you the details. Just a very soul bearing, vivid dream that has lingered with me all day and spurred some deep thinking.....

For such a long time I believed there is only one person in this whole earth meant for you. A soul mate. The One. Only one and God would lead you to that person and you would spend the rest of your life happily ever after with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids. Then I became jaded and probably didn't really believe in much except that God would still bring the right person into my life. I certainly lost sight of the whole soul mate plan and then one day I turned a corner. Embracing the thoughts and feelings of being tethered to a person with an unbreakable immovable string.

I sent this text to BFF today: Weird question. If you were cremated who would you give your ashes to at this moment? She, of course, answered with family but also responded with the love in her life as a 'romantic choice'. It posed so many questions for me. Let's take family out of the equation and just say if you were cremated (or whatever your choice will be) today who would you leave your ashes with? Would all married people respond with their spouses? All girlfriends with their boyfriends? Lovers with their lovers? Or does such a decision as this surpass those borders?

I know this seems like a bizarre string of thoughts but I have a point. I think we all have that one person, perhaps not a soul mate and maybe not even a spouse, but someone we have loved more than anyone else in this world. I pray that for most people it is someone they are married to or share children with but I also believe you can be so connected to someone you may never see again. That maybe that 'one' person was introduced into your life to be a mirror. To peel back another layer. To allow you to look at yourself and see the true you, the things that were holding you back, and a new polished view of your own soul. Maybe you didn't marry them or divorce them or even know them that long but somehow they rocked your core. Maybe someone that brought you to attention and changed your life and will forever be a part of you. As I type this, so many people come to mind. Of course Betty, first and foremost, but I also bounce back to people I am not biologically connected to. I woke up in the middle of the night and contemplated this blog being sad to some. 'She doesn't even know where she will spread her ashes'. It is not sad in the least to me. I have experienced SO MUCH LOVE in my life in SO MANY different capacities. Through my child, my family, friends, and soul mates. I have been blessed and touched and changed. At 32, I have more love in my heart than I could possibly imagine. And so, maybe that is the answer.

They will all spread my ashes round the yard.


Everything is connected, like a delicate web. Ever growing, ever changing. New silvery strands come together every day, and once the strand is formed, no matter what superficial circumstances may sometimes keep you apart, it is never broken. You will meet again, perhaps in another lifetime. The connection is unbreakable, lying dormant in your subconscious.”
― Chelsie Shakespeare, The Pull