WHO'S CHILD IS THIS

I remember climbing the mulberry tree and coming down covered in purple.
I remember the brown water of the gutter aka our fishinig hole.
I remember the green algae from our swimming pool aka horse tank.
I remember the brown crabapples we used to throw at one another.
I remember playing baseball in our vacant lot until the orange and yellows began to set.

I do not remember pink.

I remember forts and fist fights and swimming in creeks and riding ostrich. I remember playing in the mud and dribbling a basketball.

I do not remember a princess crown.

With all of her pink and lace and princess gowns, I fall more in love with a child that is different than me in so many ways. As she says, "Welcome, your majesty." Welcome! Welcome to raising the pinkest girliest girl I know and learning to love the softer side of myself.

WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE

DEEP BREATH

This is one of my new favorite Christmas songs. I heard it on my way to work this morning and big crocodile tears welled up.

I admit. I was dreading the holiday season this year. Normally, Christmas is out of control at my house. An enormous tree, loads of decorations, bookoos of gifts WRAPPED AND ACCENTED WITH FEATHERS AND ORNAMENTS AND CANDY CANES. I just wasn't feeling it this year....until this weekend when all of the sudden the Christmas Spirit put its hands on my shoulders and said, "OPEN YOUR EYES. TAKE A LOOK AROUND!" And for the past few days, I have felt butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat. My God, how much I have to be thankful for. So there aren't stockings on my mantle, only a very simple nativity set. So there aren't 500 presents under the tree(in fact, my tree is quite crispy). So I haven't bought Betty every single thing her heart desires (so she can touch it for 5 seconds and forget about it).

Christmas should live inside of us, in our hearts. As I revel in this new found "Christmas feeling" I realize how much I've missed over the past years. If you slow down and take a moment to soak in all the simplicity Christmas can bear it becomes so much easier to truly feel Christmas within you. I have not spent hours stewing, shopping, wrapping, spending. There is no monstrosity of a snow village all over the house or a tree in every room. This Christmas, I will take communion at my church and be reminded that God dwells within you as you. I will gather with my family around a fire and enjoy a great meal. I will feel a sense of renewal as another year ends and a new begins. I will hold my darling little girl tight and watch the excitement flicker in her eyes. I will be warm and loved and happy and incredibly blessed. I will remember you have everything you need if you just believe.

If you just believe.

BELIEVE IT

Some weeks are tough. Lots of days are tough. And there are moments you feel as if you are standing on the edge. I will admit this week I have thought, more than once, WHY ME? Dammit, I try so hard. If I do one thing well it's trying and hoping and working for the best. I should insert all of my many faults in this paragraph but I will not.

As my baby is in bed and my parents are in bed and I sip my one allotted whiskey and water for this Friday night, I reflect.

I am good.

This life is so incredibly good. When I want to cry or cuss or fold, I am constantly reminded of my baby's smile. I am not perfect. I, like everyone else, am effected by the troubles and complications of this journey. But I am good. We are all good. What we lack is the ability to truly recognize and appreciate the things we contribute to make this world a better place. And just because things may be foggy or shock the hell out of us, doesn't mean this life is bad. It is what shapes and completes us.

My business (not really me but my company) joined the SPEARMAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE this week and the most beautiful boquet was sent to me in congratulations. And I was reminded that you must give to receive. So many times you will be scathed, scratched and bruised. But if you give, give with all of your might. If you seek the happiness of others you will be blessed. You will receive and your heart will be filled.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas indeed!

YOU JUST NEVER DAMN KNOW

I have not continued the TO BE CONTINUED because it's quite impossible. The aftermath of "Spearman Weekend 2010" has proven to be a never ending story. With every log added to the fire, new ideas were born and new relationships formed. You see, a life song was composed that day and now we are witnessing its strange yet sweet melody. Questions asked and love pondered. As we sat around an old table and toasted a great meal we realized the secret of life is one another. Above all, family and friends, a delicious meal and knowing simplicity has its place in this fantastic world. My little town is small, a village in fact. But my table is large and when surrounded with people I love embodies an unforgettable warmth. Hardships of life melt away during Saturday Supper. Smiles, cheers, laughter, love and appreciation. To be continued.........

LIZ+GRACE+SPEARMAN=RUN LIKE HELL

Me: How much wine do you think we will need for this weekend? Truly?

Liz: Three bottles a day? Maybe four? So a case. Probably two cases.

Me: Done.

To be continued............

UM, TIME TO FINISH THAT COLLEGE DEGREE

An excerpt from our conversation on the way to Amarillo yesterday:

Betty: Mommy, what is hibernation?

Me: It's when animals sleep all winter.

Betty: To keep warm through the winter?

Me: Yes.

Betty: What do they get under? What do bears get under?

Me: Bears sleep in caves to stay warm.

Betty: Do they light a fire to stay warm?

Me: No, bears don't know how to light fires.

Betty: What do they do to keep warm through the winter?

Me: They snuggle up with each other.

Betty: And their soft coats?

Me: Yes.

TO TRAVEL

"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."-

Henry Miller

BIG VOICE BARE FEET

VAN GOGH SAID IT BEST

On Saturday morning, as I crawled out of bed,I thought of the challenges that lay before me. I thought of the end and a new beginning and I lit a candle. I kneeled down beside my bed and simply bowed my head. And although I am not Catholic, I prayed for the strength that a flame can bring. I prayed for healing and forgiveness and peace. I prayed that God would guide, protect and mend a broken heart. I prayed. At some point, my mother reminded me: Do not blow out the candle. Let its flame burn until it can burn no more. And so I have. Tonight, in its last hours I am reminded. Sometimes you are surrounded by such darkness that light seems unimaginable. Sometimes the flame is so waning and weak you forget its presence. You walk away from it, neglect its luster, because it seems too small. But there are times, in this life, things burn so brightly you are blinded. The smile of another, the laugh of a child, the love of a friend. The smell of garlic or a glass of wine. Most times, if we really see, light is all around us. We are surrounded by a swirl of light and life and love.

This light makes me thankful for each and every moment. For times lost, for things unsaid and for a brand new dawn.

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE. I'M.GOING.TO.LET.IT.SHINE.

ATOMIC IS RIGHT

YOU

In the wee small hours of the morning, I placed my head on your tiny chest and felt you breathe in and out. I put my finger in your still pudgy hand and listened to the beat of your heart. I was reminded of a day not so long ago when I heard your heart beat for the first time. A hundred beats a minute, it seemed. A tiny little life swimming in a sea of protection from this crazy world. I remembered a day I called and left a recording of your heartbeat on your Poppy and B’s answering machine. I was so proud. I could not believe I had a hand in creating that melodic sound. Such peace. I thought of the days I read to my belly and played Bob Marley to calm your heart. As I laid and listened, I thought about the first time you will put your hand over your heart to honor our country. I thought about the first time your heart will pitter patter over a boy. I thought of the pride, the joy, the swell, the jump, the peace, the happiness, the race and the love your heart will feel in its lifetime. I pondered your heart’s excitement as you walk across the stage, leave home and start anew. Open road, your small town heart left in the rearview mirror. And I could not bear to think of your heart broken or in pain or lonesome. But all of these things it will be. For now, I am the keeper of your heart so I prayed God will hold it safe and healthy and strong and allow it to tick long after I am gone. But most of all I thought of the day when your heart will beat for someone else. The day you will love someone so much your heart aches and the day you will hear a new drum begin to beat.

What a beautiful, wonderful, challenging path you have in front of you. With all of its ups and downs and laughter and sorrow. Remember to listen to your heart. Follow its whispers and its loud cries. Let it be open and without hatred or judgment and full of forgiveness. Bring down the walls. Find what it is you yearn for deep in its depths. But most of all set your heart free. It does not belong to you or me. It belongs to the journey of life. The amazing journey of life.

FEELIN' KEN'S PAIN

Dear Barbie and all of your 10 million parts,

I am sick and tired of your damn wedges and pool parties. Mostly, I am sick of your racey clothes and big boobs. What are you teaching the little girls of this world? Maybe I shouldn't let my 3 year old play with you and all of your friends. I have tried with all of my might to stick to the Princess version of you ie Cinderella, Snow White, etc. which is silly because your long dress comes off and on goes the "Flight Attendant" outfit. Go figure. It never fails. One of your shoes is missing, your seatbelt won't buckle, or the diving board at your pool won't stay up. When I was growing up, my cousin Cassie and I buried you in the mud and cut your hair off. Life with a 3 year old is stressful enough. And just when I crawl into a hot tub with a glass of wine after said 3 year old has gone to bed, I step on a pair of your sunglasses and am forced to curse loudly. OUT WITH YOU BARBIE!


G

WHERE ECHOES RETURN

TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON

As we rose to sing the final hymn yesterday, I thought, “It feels really good to be back in my church.” The church my parents were married in, the church my siblings and I were baptized and confirmed in, the church I was married in, and the church I believe Betty will grow up in. And then I thought, “My how things have changed.”

What would I change? If I could do it all over again, what changes would I make? How would I soften the blows of failure? What would I do differently? And the answer was so incredibly clear to me: NOTHING. Perhaps it sounds arrogant but I truly believe my life and everything in it has happened for a reason. The heartache, the pain, the happiness, the loss and the love. There is nothing I would change about any of the life lessons set out before me. There is nothing I would change about the choices, good or bad, I have made.

I thought about my mother and father walking down the same aisle Betty walks down for children’s church and asked myself what they would change. I do not wish my mom and dad back together as they have found partners that truly make them happy. I do not wish for any of it to be erased or altered. These changes have shaped me. They have shaped Betty and have created a family who has been through fire but emerged polished and bright. We are different than most families. There are quirks and oddities about us which are beyond complicated. We are far from conventional yet make the very most of what we have and cherish the journey. We love and are loved more than most people I know. We are tolerant of one another in the deepest of ways. I cannot count how many times I have heard, “All that matters is your happiness.” We say it to one another often and we mean it to the center of our core.

I have returned to my town where I constantly feel a warm embrace around me. Dreams of hearing the band practice from my back porch have come true. Dreams of watching the leaves dancing down Barkley Street have come true. It is most certainly not where I envisioned myself 5 years ago. However, it has been a blessing in disguise, a safety net, a harbor. As I wave at old folks who remember the day I was born or stroll down to the drug store for a milk shake as I have since I was 6 or kneel at the familiar alter of my church, I am reminded of change. I am reminded as the sweltering sun is replaced with a crisp fall breeze that life is changing seasons. Frigid barren winters and warm Autumn sunshine. Summer thunderstorms and new grass green. Life is change.

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late

MURDER WAS THE CASE THAT THEY GAVE ME

Dear Snoop,

As I'm sure you know, I've had a crush on you for quite some time now. In fact it all started in 7th grade with Gin and Juice. But I have to tell you Snoop, you've lost that gangsta love and I think I'm over it. I completely winced when I heard you were guest starring on One Life to Live. And now? Katy Perry? California Gurls? I can't take it. What happened to all the drama in the LBC? What happened to Amerikaz Most Wanted and Hennessey? I'm pretty certain you've replaced the Coolwater cologne with something more Old Spiceish and it's unacceptable. I realize we all mature and grow and change but if you don't have the mad rhymes anymore, hang up the gold chain and call it a good run.

Whatever,
G

BETTY BEATRICE CALVERT

I love this little person to the moon and back. I love her so much it makes my heart ache. As I uploaded these pics, my eyes filled with tears. She is willful. She is independent. She is strong headed. She is thoughtful. She is sharp. She is me. Only better...much much better.

AMERICAN IDIOT

Driving home yesterday, a song came on the radio and I thought, SWEET! GREEN DAY. And then I drifted off into a 90 second day dream which went something like this.

"You and Becca talked about going to a Green Day concert in Boston. You're too damn old to be at a Green Day concert. Wait. You're not thirty yet. Maybe, it would be a great way to wrap up the decade. But, all the way to Boston for a Green Day concert? You're a mom. Ridiculous. Wait. Billie Joe Armstrong has got to be close to forty and he has TWO kids. Oh and he's bisexual. Right."

Zone back in.....

And realize it's Gavin Rossdale. And therefore decide it would be best to create a Green Day station on Pandora and call it good enough.

HAPPY

Me: Betty, are you happy?

Betty: Yes.

Me: What does it mean to be happy?

Betty: To be special.

We are happy indeed.

DAMN DIRTY HIPPIES

Grace says:
liz introduced me to edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros
LOVE

WILLTHING says:
damn dirty f*&%ing hippy music
lol
i wish i'd never have seen them. just listened to them. their unkeptness ruined it for me

Grace says:
lol
what
seriously

WILLTHING says:
i'm beyond serious

Grace says:
LISTEN
NOT WATCH

WILLTHING says:
drugged out hippies

Grace says:
WHATEVER
I HATE YOU
YOU SUCK

WILLTHING says:
i can't get it out of my head! haha

Grace says:
LOL

WILLTHING says:
i don't like hippies

Grace says:
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HIPPIE

WILLTHING says:
shit no!

Grace says:
whatever will
it's good stuff and you know it

WILLTHING says:
it is....i like the home song.

Grace says:
so what is different about them compared to other musicians
they're all hippies
at least the good ones

WILLTHING says:
lol
interpretive i suppose

Later that day-

Grace says:
i actually think edward sharpe is somewhat attractive

WILLTHING says:
i do not
but thankfully, i'm ok with that

Grace says:
so what is it? im intrigued by this? because he doesn't bathe every day?

WILLTHING says:
he's on drugs.
heavy ones.
he's unkept.
he's a HIPPY
a damn. dirty. hippy.

CHILDREN

Recently a dear friend introduced me to Kahlil Gibran. My mother always says, "I am yours, but you are not mine." As I struggle and revel in being a momma, this poem sings to me.

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

I'LL GIVE YA $50 BUCKS

Of course it's a signed shot glass for Betty. Of course it's autographed by Chumlee from Pawn Stars. Who wouldn't think this is a bad ass surprise from Vegas.....for a two year old? My daughter has no idea how cool her family is.

JIM

For Mattie.......

As I opened the window and glanced at my blonde baby deep in down pillows I thought of him.

There is a man who has changed my life. As of last Friday I have felt renewed and forgiven.

It is true. I posess this characteristic of wanting more, growing more and changing. I am unpredictable and often a rolling stone. It's a curse and a blessing. I seek more. I seek more within myself and often that makes my companions grow weary. Given more, expected more so I've been told. Wanting more? Wanting more is always so hard and yet it is reciprocated by this gift of giving more. To be simple. I long to be simple.

A man I know has changed my life by being simple. When asked about him and his lifestyle someone responded, "He works hard and expects nothing." Each and every week I see a steady hand wash my windshield and pump my gas. Always a kind word and a giving heart. To most pumping gas at a self serve in Spearman, Texas doesn't amount to much. To me? To me it has meant everything. My friend gives every inkling of his heart to do something he is good at. With each swipe and ticket he feels proud and vendicated. He's making a difference in someone's day one at a time.

My big home? My down pillows? My granite countertops? Nothing. Be kind. Try really really hard at what you're best at. Speak a kind word and let someone feel you care. Being a good human being is finding the depth of your heart, whatever it may be, and givng it 110%. May you be a mother or a student or a gas pumper, the impact you are capable of is all the same.

As I get into my car early each morning I think of him and how his heart has changed my day. I think about how is effort warms my heart. I think about how much he gives for so little in return. Work hard and expect nothing. Find the simplicity within yourself and expect nothing more. The love and goodness you own will shine through. It will shine through your heart and soul and make you want to write about someone elses's simplicity and triumph. It will change your day. One day at a time.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?

This isn't really my story to tell. I'm just the messenger.

I remember the day she lost it. She had been by the jewelry store to have it cleaned and they were closed. Later that evening she and Adam sat in our backyard for beers. And then it was gone. Her diamond. Her precious precious diamond had fallen from her wedding ring. The next day we scoured. Justin and I spent days looking through the grass on all fours, searching and hoping. Was it in our yard? Was it in the street in front of the jewelry store? Was it in her car? It was gone. Simply gone. Nowhere to be found.....and two weeks later Adam was gone as well.

Fast forward almost one year later. Fast forward through rain and snow, through mowing and weedeating, through dog stomping and children romping, through hundreds of false hopes that I had found it. Instead a cigarette butt or a piece of plastic.

I stood on the back porch last night as I have done countless times over the past year and looked up into the night sky. It was if a tiny light had flickered on. It was as if a firefly had landed on a blade of grass. I knew at that moment it was her diamond. I knew it with every inch of my heart. And it was. Other than giving birth to my daughter, I have never felt as close to God as I did last night.

I know this. That diamond belonged back in Rebecca's hands. I know that Adam's star was shining down at that precise moment to make sure the diamond was bright in my vision. I know that good things happen to good people. I know dreams do come true. I know that Rebecca is a diamond in the rough. I know I believe in magic.

ORANGE YOU GLAD TO KNOW?

Betty Beatrice Calvert peeled an orange (ok it was a clementine but nonetheless)! She shocked me when she came out of her room dressed one day. She baffled me the first day she put her shoes on the right feet. I nearly fell to the floor a couple of weeks ago when she squeezed out the toothpaste and brushed all of those pearly whites in a perfect circular motion. But this topped 'em all. She opened the fruit drawer in the fridge and asked, "May I have an orange?" I'll admit my fat butt was sitting on the couch watching crazy Roz acuse Chris of hitting on the producer's wife in New Zealand but whatev. I had every intention of peeling it for her and then she came and sat by me, Half of the clem in her mouth and the other perfectly skinned in her hand. Justin and I wondered if she used her teeth or her fingers to get it open. She did it twice and we kept asking her where she learned how to peel an orange. From watching us I guess.....

It's just amazing. These tiny accomplishments that seem so small but are so important in their own right. I haven't actually given her orange peeling lessons so she has picked it up by pure observation. I realized last night that too soon her dad will be pushing her down the street on her bike and not too long after that we'll be shipping her off to college or the Peace Corps or whatever. It's precious. It flies by so fast it's almost scary. With each new "trick" the tiny baby disappears and is replaced by a little girl. Peeling oranges is more precious than I ever imagined it could be.....

LIVE

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."-Jack London

KISS MY GRITS

Cancer,

You suck.

F Off,
Grace

WHY I LOVE JOHN MAYER ALMOST AS MUCH AS THE DOGG

"Edge of Desire"
Young and full off running
tell me where is that taking me
just a great figure eight
or a tiny infinite

love is really nothing
but a dream that keeps waking me
for all of my trying
we still end up dying
how can it be?

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

so young and full off running
all the way to the edge of desire
steady my breathing
silently screaming
I have to have you now

wired and I'm tired
think I'll sleep in my clothes on the floor
baby this mattress will spin on it's axis
and find me on yours

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me

don't say a word
just come over and lie here with me
cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe
there I just said it
I'm scared you'll forget about me


"War of My Life"
Come out Angels
Come out Ghosts
Come out Darkness
Bring everyone you know

I'm not running
I'm not scared
I am waiting and well prepared

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of Time and there's no where to run away

I've got a hammer
And a heart of glass
I got to know right now
Which walls to smash

I got a pocket
Got no pill
If fear hasn't killed me yet
Than nothing will

All the suffering
And all the pain
Never liked to label

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run

I'm in the war of my life
At the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

No more suffering
No more pain
Never again

I'm in the war of my life
At the door of my life
Out of time and there's no where to run

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done
So Fight on, fight on everyone, so fight on
Got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

I'm in the war of my life
I'm at the core of my life
I've got no choice but to fight 'til it's done

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

SNOW DAYS

Last Thursday morning a huge snow storm blew into the Texas Panhandle and The Calverts were officially snowed in....for days and days. I did not leave 1308 (except for sledding and a quick trip to the store)until today. I absolutely loved it. I could totally move back to the NE and be snowed in all the time. I'll admit there was a little boredom here and there but I totally enjoyed being home. I read a book, had a fire every day all day, made Betty apple cider, cooked tons of soup, Wii bowled, drank a little sauvignon blanc (shocker), and stayed in my jammies for most of it. Betty read books, painted, watched movies. We made cookies and took naps. Justin shoveled snow, checked cattle with a friend, and made a delicious new Jamaican oxtail recipe. As I drove to work today, I almost ached. I don't know that I could do it forever but I was so incredibly happy to be home with my family. There was a moment I looked at Betty and tears filled my eyes. She is so big. She is so grown and funny and smart and precious. I looked at her and felt shocked all over again. Shocked that we made that little person. That she grew in my belly and was just a little grain of rice not so very long ago. She was a thought, a whisper, a dream for so long. She fills our hearts with such joy. I love her more than I ever thought possible. I miss her so badly today. Justin and I try our very hardest. We try to be consistent and steady and balanced. No matter how hard you try there is still a longing to do more for your child. It's the fullest empty void I've ever experienced. My heart is so full with love but always on the verge of jumping into the Guilt Pool (spankings for pants pooping, raviolis instead of something homemade, skipping lotion after bath, going to Mexico, things of that nature). This was her prayer last night: Dear God Father, thank you for blessings, for mommy and daddy,
Rebecca and Acie, skiing and lunch. Amen. And then this, "Once upon a time there was a Princess named Betty Atrice and a Princess named Acie. Princess BB and Acie wanted to go to the zoo and see the manimals. The camels and monkeys. And the elephants. And Princess Mommy and Princess Daddy wanted to go to the dance. The End."

PEACE IN THE MIDDLE EAST

RC told me, "You're always giving the peace sign." Naaaaaaaaah........



PEACE!


Cowboys kick ass peace.


Pregnant at Homer's but peace anyway.


Double peace with my peeps in Galveston.


Peaces of ship.


D.peaCe.


Paz.


Peace, love, and money.

SURVIVALIST

Approximately 7:00 a.m.

Justin: I had the craziest dream last night and I remeber every bit of it.

Me: (low growl) What happened?

Justin: We had been attacked by terrorists at the Sunray Valero Plant and they called a town hall meeting. We were all sitting around trying to decide how to fight off the terrorists and what we were going to do. And I came up with this idea to make all of the women in Dumas go topless. That way if the terrorists looked at the topless ladies they would be sinning against Allah. And it worked Grace. It totally worked.