PREPARATION OF THE BELIEVER

I have tried to have a more Catholic understanding of Lent with no great outcome. I am a Methodist and I think we just scratch the surface. We (my family and I) talk of what we will 'give up' each year, stick to it and then go back to our old ways.

In the year Betty used a pacifier, I decided on Ash Wednesday to give it up. And people said, you mean she will give it up? To which I responded, it is my crutch. I use it when she is fussy or crying or difficult as a way to PACIFY MYSELF. So I did, and Betty never touched a pacifier again. It was much harder for me to make that commitment. She didn't seem the least bit annoyed or frustrated.

So it is time (most of you will be saying FINALLY FOR PETE'S SAKE), to give up Betty sleeping in my bed. This Ash Wednesday I will commit to creating a needed space between us although, once again, it is my crutch. I feel like she is safe when she is right next to me and I love being able to hear her laugh in her sleep or hold her close if she is afraid. BUT she is 5.5, and just like mastering her bike, it is just time. She also grinds her teeth and slaps me in the face from time to time. So this morning we talked about making her room more comfortable. We moved the fan and will add a down comforter tonight. She said she doesn't want her closet light on because it scares her the most to think about what's in her closet.

I hope as I grow older I will have a much more spiritual grasp on Lent. I will understand Jesus' suffering in a much deeper way and HOW MUCH WAS SACRIFICED FOR US. For now, I hope making some small family change is enough. Some form of self-denial, things cycling and changing and growing and THANKING GOD every second that she is only a hallway away.....