WHO'S CHILD IS THIS

I remember climbing the mulberry tree and coming down covered in purple.
I remember the brown water of the gutter aka our fishinig hole.
I remember the green algae from our swimming pool aka horse tank.
I remember the brown crabapples we used to throw at one another.
I remember playing baseball in our vacant lot until the orange and yellows began to set.

I do not remember pink.

I remember forts and fist fights and swimming in creeks and riding ostrich. I remember playing in the mud and dribbling a basketball.

I do not remember a princess crown.

With all of her pink and lace and princess gowns, I fall more in love with a child that is different than me in so many ways. As she says, "Welcome, your majesty." Welcome! Welcome to raising the pinkest girliest girl I know and learning to love the softer side of myself.

WHEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE

DEEP BREATH

This is one of my new favorite Christmas songs. I heard it on my way to work this morning and big crocodile tears welled up.

I admit. I was dreading the holiday season this year. Normally, Christmas is out of control at my house. An enormous tree, loads of decorations, bookoos of gifts WRAPPED AND ACCENTED WITH FEATHERS AND ORNAMENTS AND CANDY CANES. I just wasn't feeling it this year....until this weekend when all of the sudden the Christmas Spirit put its hands on my shoulders and said, "OPEN YOUR EYES. TAKE A LOOK AROUND!" And for the past few days, I have felt butterflies in my stomach and a lump in my throat. My God, how much I have to be thankful for. So there aren't stockings on my mantle, only a very simple nativity set. So there aren't 500 presents under the tree(in fact, my tree is quite crispy). So I haven't bought Betty every single thing her heart desires (so she can touch it for 5 seconds and forget about it).

Christmas should live inside of us, in our hearts. As I revel in this new found "Christmas feeling" I realize how much I've missed over the past years. If you slow down and take a moment to soak in all the simplicity Christmas can bear it becomes so much easier to truly feel Christmas within you. I have not spent hours stewing, shopping, wrapping, spending. There is no monstrosity of a snow village all over the house or a tree in every room. This Christmas, I will take communion at my church and be reminded that God dwells within you as you. I will gather with my family around a fire and enjoy a great meal. I will feel a sense of renewal as another year ends and a new begins. I will hold my darling little girl tight and watch the excitement flicker in her eyes. I will be warm and loved and happy and incredibly blessed. I will remember you have everything you need if you just believe.

If you just believe.

BELIEVE IT

Some weeks are tough. Lots of days are tough. And there are moments you feel as if you are standing on the edge. I will admit this week I have thought, more than once, WHY ME? Dammit, I try so hard. If I do one thing well it's trying and hoping and working for the best. I should insert all of my many faults in this paragraph but I will not.

As my baby is in bed and my parents are in bed and I sip my one allotted whiskey and water for this Friday night, I reflect.

I am good.

This life is so incredibly good. When I want to cry or cuss or fold, I am constantly reminded of my baby's smile. I am not perfect. I, like everyone else, am effected by the troubles and complications of this journey. But I am good. We are all good. What we lack is the ability to truly recognize and appreciate the things we contribute to make this world a better place. And just because things may be foggy or shock the hell out of us, doesn't mean this life is bad. It is what shapes and completes us.

My business (not really me but my company) joined the SPEARMAN CHAMBER OF COMMERCE this week and the most beautiful boquet was sent to me in congratulations. And I was reminded that you must give to receive. So many times you will be scathed, scratched and bruised. But if you give, give with all of your might. If you seek the happiness of others you will be blessed. You will receive and your heart will be filled.

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas indeed!

YOU JUST NEVER DAMN KNOW

I have not continued the TO BE CONTINUED because it's quite impossible. The aftermath of "Spearman Weekend 2010" has proven to be a never ending story. With every log added to the fire, new ideas were born and new relationships formed. You see, a life song was composed that day and now we are witnessing its strange yet sweet melody. Questions asked and love pondered. As we sat around an old table and toasted a great meal we realized the secret of life is one another. Above all, family and friends, a delicious meal and knowing simplicity has its place in this fantastic world. My little town is small, a village in fact. But my table is large and when surrounded with people I love embodies an unforgettable warmth. Hardships of life melt away during Saturday Supper. Smiles, cheers, laughter, love and appreciation. To be continued.........

LIZ+GRACE+SPEARMAN=RUN LIKE HELL

Me: How much wine do you think we will need for this weekend? Truly?

Liz: Three bottles a day? Maybe four? So a case. Probably two cases.

Me: Done.

To be continued............