UM, TIME TO FINISH THAT COLLEGE DEGREE

An excerpt from our conversation on the way to Amarillo yesterday:

Betty: Mommy, what is hibernation?

Me: It's when animals sleep all winter.

Betty: To keep warm through the winter?

Me: Yes.

Betty: What do they get under? What do bears get under?

Me: Bears sleep in caves to stay warm.

Betty: Do they light a fire to stay warm?

Me: No, bears don't know how to light fires.

Betty: What do they do to keep warm through the winter?

Me: They snuggle up with each other.

Betty: And their soft coats?

Me: Yes.

TO TRAVEL

"One's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things."-

Henry Miller

BIG VOICE BARE FEET

VAN GOGH SAID IT BEST

On Saturday morning, as I crawled out of bed,I thought of the challenges that lay before me. I thought of the end and a new beginning and I lit a candle. I kneeled down beside my bed and simply bowed my head. And although I am not Catholic, I prayed for the strength that a flame can bring. I prayed for healing and forgiveness and peace. I prayed that God would guide, protect and mend a broken heart. I prayed. At some point, my mother reminded me: Do not blow out the candle. Let its flame burn until it can burn no more. And so I have. Tonight, in its last hours I am reminded. Sometimes you are surrounded by such darkness that light seems unimaginable. Sometimes the flame is so waning and weak you forget its presence. You walk away from it, neglect its luster, because it seems too small. But there are times, in this life, things burn so brightly you are blinded. The smile of another, the laugh of a child, the love of a friend. The smell of garlic or a glass of wine. Most times, if we really see, light is all around us. We are surrounded by a swirl of light and life and love.

This light makes me thankful for each and every moment. For times lost, for things unsaid and for a brand new dawn.

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE. I'M.GOING.TO.LET.IT.SHINE.

ATOMIC IS RIGHT

YOU

In the wee small hours of the morning, I placed my head on your tiny chest and felt you breathe in and out. I put my finger in your still pudgy hand and listened to the beat of your heart. I was reminded of a day not so long ago when I heard your heart beat for the first time. A hundred beats a minute, it seemed. A tiny little life swimming in a sea of protection from this crazy world. I remembered a day I called and left a recording of your heartbeat on your Poppy and B’s answering machine. I was so proud. I could not believe I had a hand in creating that melodic sound. Such peace. I thought of the days I read to my belly and played Bob Marley to calm your heart. As I laid and listened, I thought about the first time you will put your hand over your heart to honor our country. I thought about the first time your heart will pitter patter over a boy. I thought of the pride, the joy, the swell, the jump, the peace, the happiness, the race and the love your heart will feel in its lifetime. I pondered your heart’s excitement as you walk across the stage, leave home and start anew. Open road, your small town heart left in the rearview mirror. And I could not bear to think of your heart broken or in pain or lonesome. But all of these things it will be. For now, I am the keeper of your heart so I prayed God will hold it safe and healthy and strong and allow it to tick long after I am gone. But most of all I thought of the day when your heart will beat for someone else. The day you will love someone so much your heart aches and the day you will hear a new drum begin to beat.

What a beautiful, wonderful, challenging path you have in front of you. With all of its ups and downs and laughter and sorrow. Remember to listen to your heart. Follow its whispers and its loud cries. Let it be open and without hatred or judgment and full of forgiveness. Bring down the walls. Find what it is you yearn for deep in its depths. But most of all set your heart free. It does not belong to you or me. It belongs to the journey of life. The amazing journey of life.