As we rose to sing the final hymn yesterday, I thought, “It feels really good to be back in my church.” The church my parents were married in, the church my siblings and I were baptized and confirmed in, the church I was married in, and the church I believe Betty will grow up in. And then I thought, “My how things have changed.”
What would I change? If I could do it all over again, what changes would I make? How would I soften the blows of failure? What would I do differently? And the answer was so incredibly clear to me: NOTHING. Perhaps it sounds arrogant but I truly believe my life and everything in it has happened for a reason. The heartache, the pain, the happiness, the loss and the love. There is nothing I would change about any of the life lessons set out before me. There is nothing I would change about the choices, good or bad, I have made.
I thought about my mother and father walking down the same aisle Betty walks down for children’s church and asked myself what they would change. I do not wish my mom and dad back together as they have found partners that truly make them happy. I do not wish for any of it to be erased or altered. These changes have shaped me. They have shaped Betty and have created a family who has been through fire but emerged polished and bright. We are different than most families. There are quirks and oddities about us which are beyond complicated. We are far from conventional yet make the very most of what we have and cherish the journey. We love and are loved more than most people I know. We are tolerant of one another in the deepest of ways. I cannot count how many times I have heard, “All that matters is your happiness.” We say it to one another often and we mean it to the center of our core.
I have returned to my town where I constantly feel a warm embrace around me. Dreams of hearing the band practice from my back porch have come true. Dreams of watching the leaves dancing down Barkley Street have come true. It is most certainly not where I envisioned myself 5 years ago. However, it has been a blessing in disguise, a safety net, a harbor. As I wave at old folks who remember the day I was born or stroll down to the drug store for a milk shake as I have since I was 6 or kneel at the familiar alter of my church, I am reminded of change. I am reminded as the sweltering sun is replaced with a crisp fall breeze that life is changing seasons. Frigid barren winters and warm Autumn sunshine. Summer thunderstorms and new grass green. Life is change.
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to be born, a time to die
A time to plant, a time to reap
A time to kill, a time to heal
A time to laugh, a time to weep
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to build up,a time to break down
A time to dance, a time to mourn
A time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time for love, a time for hate
A time for peace, I swear it's not too late
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Sometimes I wonder if that is where we all should be. Living in the small town where you grew up and know everyone. I know that I am happy with my life, but a day never goes by that I don't yearn for an interaction with some one who says, "I remember when you were 5 and..". I know that my childhood with you in Spearman, Texas, is one of my happiest thoughts and I know BB will love it as much as we did. I love you and I am glad you are feeling at home.
Post a Comment