SNOW DAYS

Last Thursday morning a huge snow storm blew into the Texas Panhandle and The Calverts were officially snowed in....for days and days. I did not leave 1308 (except for sledding and a quick trip to the store)until today. I absolutely loved it. I could totally move back to the NE and be snowed in all the time. I'll admit there was a little boredom here and there but I totally enjoyed being home. I read a book, had a fire every day all day, made Betty apple cider, cooked tons of soup, Wii bowled, drank a little sauvignon blanc (shocker), and stayed in my jammies for most of it. Betty read books, painted, watched movies. We made cookies and took naps. Justin shoveled snow, checked cattle with a friend, and made a delicious new Jamaican oxtail recipe. As I drove to work today, I almost ached. I don't know that I could do it forever but I was so incredibly happy to be home with my family. There was a moment I looked at Betty and tears filled my eyes. She is so big. She is so grown and funny and smart and precious. I looked at her and felt shocked all over again. Shocked that we made that little person. That she grew in my belly and was just a little grain of rice not so very long ago. She was a thought, a whisper, a dream for so long. She fills our hearts with such joy. I love her more than I ever thought possible. I miss her so badly today. Justin and I try our very hardest. We try to be consistent and steady and balanced. No matter how hard you try there is still a longing to do more for your child. It's the fullest empty void I've ever experienced. My heart is so full with love but always on the verge of jumping into the Guilt Pool (spankings for pants pooping, raviolis instead of something homemade, skipping lotion after bath, going to Mexico, things of that nature). This was her prayer last night: Dear God Father, thank you for blessings, for mommy and daddy,
Rebecca and Acie, skiing and lunch. Amen. And then this, "Once upon a time there was a Princess named Betty Atrice and a Princess named Acie. Princess BB and Acie wanted to go to the zoo and see the manimals. The camels and monkeys. And the elephants. And Princess Mommy and Princess Daddy wanted to go to the dance. The End."