*HIT AND RUN

I am totally perplexed. Today some of the ladieths in my office were standing around chatting and one of them declared, "DUMP AND RUN!" I looked out of the glass and saw a woman, not from our floor, walking out of the ladies' restroom towards the elevator. She pushed the button and went....RIGHT BACK TO HER FLOOR. The ladies told me that it happens all the time, daily in fact. Women come from all over the building to our floor to, yes, *HIT AND RUN!. Why? Why not poop on your own dang floor in your own dang restroom? Here's what I think. Forgive me for being graphic.

Bottom line...They don't want to "dump" only to look over and see they totally recognize the tan Eddie Bauer sandals and coral toe nail polish next door. "Sonofa! It's Nancy from one cubicle over! She knows it's me. She saw my black toe nail polish and is going to tell the entire office I was in here pooping....loudly."

Honest to God, I have never dumped and ran. It has never occurred to me. Maybe I'm missing out. Maybe it saves you loads of embarrassment or is a total thrill. I've just never experienced something so...vain? Yes, I am private when it comes to bathroom issues but I certainly don't walk over to the neighbors to take care of business. Women are strange strange creatures when it comes to topics like this. Do men do the same? Or do they sit and read a magazine and talk between stalls?

I am going to hang a sign on the door that says *HIT AND RUN FINES HAVE DOUBLED.