Thursday, May 31, 2007

NEW PAIR OF SHOES

There are all sorts of feet in this world:

Monkey Feet:





Dirty Feet:





Doggie Feet:




Dancing Feet:






Pigs Feet :





And feet that have yet to make a foot print or stub their toes:

WHAT MAKES THE WORLD GO 'ROUND

This was sent to my mother, CEO of the High Plains Observer:

My wife and I attended the funeral for my great uncle recently. It was a very somber occasion as my great uncle was well liked and had a large family. The church was filled to capacity despite the freezing temperature, fog and drizzle. The procession from the church to the cemetery was very long and I found myself driving the last vehicle in line. This position gave a unique view of the whole process by which the dearly departed are brought to their final resting place. Two police cars from the Amarillo Police Department escorted us; they blocked intersections and stop signs so we could proceed without interruption. They ran with their lights on and most people pulled over to show their respect for our loss. We were moving at a somewhat slower speed than normal traffic; and from my position at the end of the line, I noticed a new SUV speeding up and starting to pass so of the cars in the procession. The gentleman passed by me, talking on his cell phone and looked frustrated by our slow pace; and then cut through the procession ahead of me to get to his exit. He did this unforgivably rude thing to save thirty seconds on his busy schedule. My wife and I were dumbstruck by this behavior. We where raised to show respect for the life lost and the grief a family endures at these times. He was late for a meeting, an appointment or possibly a plane; my great uncle was on his way to his final resting place. Just as we decided that people were becoming rude and insensitive, we passed a beat up old pickup. Standing outside, in the freezing drizzle, was a young man. He wore no coat and had his hat over his heart. He had been standing for the entire time it took us to pass him. I would like to thank that nameless young man for helping to restore my faith. I so not know who you are; but, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

KUDOS SHANTE


I don't see any reason why you wouldn't want to be the D-O-Double G's punk bioooooootch.


Snoop Dogg says he is desperate to rekindle his romance with estranged wife Shante. The rapper, real name Calvin Broadus, has been married for to his beautiful wife for seven years but filed for divorce last summer, citing irreconcilable differences. However, the hip-hop star claims he made a mistake and wants to get back together for the sake of his two sons, Corde and Spanky. He said: "I know I said I wanted a divorce, but that ain't what I really wanted. That's the devil working. My thing was I was so demanding and not willing to listen. That's why it was all so bad, because of the simple fact that I'm Snoop Dogg and I'm in a powerful position and sometimes that s**t gets to my head. "I just got to come back to being, you know Calvin, and realising what matters most to me, my wife and my kids. That's what I'm trying to do right now. Put that back together again."


Wednesday, May 16, 2007

NO YOU DIDN'T

Things you should not say to a pregnant woman:

1. "Are you eating again?"

2. "You're gonna be big. Aren't ya?"

3. "You're really blossoming."

4. "Your face is filling out."

5. "Are you sure there's just one in there?"

Responses you should be prepared to hear if you say these things to a pregnant woman:

1. "Yes, yes I am. I'm sorry you are obviously jealous that I am eating again."

2. "You're already big. Aren't ya?"

3. "I am not a peony or a daffodil or a lilac or anything delicate for that matter. I am pregnant.
I would love nothing more than to kickbox you in the face hole right now."

4. "Hmmmmm. Is it? Maybe my face is trying to match my boob pound for pound. Or maybe
IT'S THE SMALL INFANT GROWING INSIDE OF ME!!!!"

5. "The non-maternity jeans I have on are a size 6 my inquisitive little friend. Yes, that's what I
said, A SIX."

Monday, May 14, 2007

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!


This past Saturday I attended what seemed like the gazillionth Homer's Backyard Ball which is nothing more than a drunk fest in a very large pasture. I've been going for years and years, long before there was parking or wrist bands or even a pasture. Last year in fact I drank several Coronas in our White Trash Backyard Pool before even making it to The Ball. And last year I specifically remember making this distasteful comment behind a rather pregnant woman's back, "I would neeeeever walk around here pregnant. I mean, my god, that woman has to be miserable. Surely there are other things besides Homer's!" Which brings me to my next point, I was a snob. I pitied pregnant women and their elastic pants. I could never imagine entering into the slavery of motherhood when life still had so much to offer: traveling, drinking, riding our Harley on Sunday afternoons. I would never be ONE OF THEM!!!!

Last night, after wrapping up my first Mother's Day, I laid very still. I put Justin's hand and my hand across my swollen belly and we laid very still. And as she moved, I thought about how her hands would be like ours. Maybe long fingers like mine and perfect nails like her dad's. It was at that moment, and perhaps long before, I realized I would never want to be anything else but ONE OF THEM!

Monday, May 7, 2007

GALVESTON OH GALVESTON

I don't know what special force God uses when he blows the Gulf breeze into your lungs but it seems to me that it transforms a person's heart. I agree it's not the white sand of Playa del Carmen or the whistle shots of Cancun . No, Galveston is in a different realm completely. There is an eerie, yet familiar mystique, that engulfs this small town and I always feel as if I'm at home, as if my heart belongs there. It could be the quaint tree-lined streets or the subtle scent of saltwater that mesmerizes me but I believe it's more than that.......much more. I believe that some places just have a soul. A history that runs so deeply through its veins it can't help but have a character all its own . I believe that these soul filled places sigh and weep just as we do and when you leave them something tugs at your heart.

My visit to Galveston this past weekend, like so many others, spurred a rather loud voice in my head to scream STAY!!! YOU BELONG HERE! YOUR HUSBAND WILL BE TOTALLY FINE WITH YOU BUYING A HOUSE HERE!!! HE WOULD LOVE PULLING TOURISTS AROUND IN THOSE LITTLE BUGGIES FOR A LIVING!!! STAAAAY GRACE! STAY!

So it is after returning to the windy city, Amarillo not Chicago, that I appreciate this small piece of Galveston more than ever. In every post, there is a ray of the Galveston sunshine beaming through. Today I invite you to let your heart be tugged by www.iheartgalveston.blogspot.com.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

TRUE FORTUNES PROMISE IS A REDHAIRED MADDONESS

As I ponder this miracle that grows inside of me each and every day, I am led to ask myself, "What color of hair will she have?" I am blonde. My mother and father are brunette. Many of her uncles and cousins have red hair and her daddy is a redhead. Oh, is her daddy ever a redhead! In my pondering and apparent overload of spare time, I have found out some very useful information about the infamous redhead and all that that implies.
  • Queen Elizabeth I, only washed her hair about three times a year. She did so in lye, which was a mixture of wood, ash and water. Her hair fell out and she wore a red wig. Red hair was thought to be unlucky until Elizabeth I made it popular.
  • The highest percentage of natural redheads in the world is in Scotland (13%), followed closely by Ireland with 10%. In the US, about 2% of the population are natural redheads.
  • Redheads were turned out of Cornish dairies, because it was believed they would turn the butter sour.
  • Redheads have the thickest hair, but have the smallest number of strands.
  • The ancient Egyptians paid homage to their god Osiris by burying redheaded men alive.
  • Less than 1% of the human race has red hair.
  • As well as in humans, red hair can be found in other mammalian species such as orangutans, squirrels, and highland cattle. Red hair or fur can be found in some breeds of dog and cat, and certain species of fox and deer.
  • Pagan witches thought the fat of a redhead was a vital ingredient for a host of unsavory spells. Redheads were thought to have an aura of magnetism and mystic power in a free-floating.

Only time will tell if we are to become a U.S. rarity by being blessed with two carrot tops in one family unit. But regardless of the color of her hair there is a daunting FACT that lurks on the horizon. She will be a redhead at heart!